we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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