i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
