TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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