I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
