just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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