I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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