sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
