they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
