It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
