its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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