shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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