I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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