Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
