he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
