I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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