okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
