I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
