I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
