bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
