He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
