I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
