hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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