Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
