In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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