I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
