Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
