Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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