im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
