She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
