Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
