he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
