And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
