Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
