At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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