It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
