You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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