dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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