why didn't you poke me back
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
