I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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