When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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