Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
