I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
