Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
40s are totally the cure
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
