My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
