He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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