So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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