How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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