I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
