i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
me + whiskey = a bad person
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
