Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
