woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he thought i was a dude.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
