my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
