So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
