Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
