I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the liver wants what the liver wants
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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