Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
