Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
