i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
